Cynthia’s Blog

Last time I talked about how much we are worth, and finished by saying:

Here are the four steps we need to take in order to internalize truth - not just the truth of our value according to God, but any truth:

How much do you think you are worth? Do you see yourself as being valuable and precious, or do you believe that you are worthless?
 
Nearly everything in this world has a value. But have you ever noticed that what something is worth depends on who is setting the price? If I decide to sell something, I set it’s price. However, if I was selling a property, and got a Real Estate agent to give me an appraisal, they might tell me the property was worth more or less than I thought. I could then get a Registered Valuer in, and they might give me a very different price again. You see, the value depends on who is setting the price. In the end though, something like real estate is worth what someone is prepared to pay for it!
 
If you open your wallet and find some cash in it, who decided how much that piece of paper is worth? The Reserve Bank did. The piece of paper that the note is printed on is actually worth very little. But the Reserve Bank determines that this piece of paper will be worth $10 and this one will be worth $20 and so on. Now, imagine I was sitting across the table from you, and took out of my wallet a crisp, new, $20 bill. I extend my hand and say “Here, this is for you, if you want it.” Would you want it? Of course you would! What if you were walking down a deserted street, and came across $20 lying on the ground. Would you pick it up? Even if it was a bit dirty? Yep, I’m sure you would! But how about if someone walked past before you could reach for it, and without noticing, stepped on the bill with their big old boots. Would you still pick it up? How about if it was crumpled and wrinkled? Torn and dirty? I’m sure in all these situations, you would pick up or take the money. Why? Because you recognise that, regardless of it’s appearance or condition, the bill is still worth $20, the price set for it by the Reserve Bank.
 
So, how much are YOU worth? Again, that depends on who is setting the price! The world sends all kinds of messages about worth. Advertising tells you you’re only “good enough” if you have this, wear that, do the other. Parents, spouses and friends may all tell us how much we’re worth - in their eyes. You can go to websites online that will “calculate your value” in dollars and cents. One website I visited asks a whole string of questions about age, sex, height, weight, colouring, income, IQ etc etc, and then calculates what you are worth. The result I got was $1,500,000.
 
Or, what if a scientist puts a value on you? One article, on a University of Indiana website, states “How much is a human body worth? When broken down into fluids, tissues and germ fighting our bodies are worth more than $45 million.” The article goes on to detail how they came to that figure.
 
However, if you break the body down into it’s mineral components etc:  “When we total the monetary value of the elements in our bodies and the value of the average person’s skin, we arrive at a net worth of $4.50!” $3.50 of that is the value of our skin.
 
If you ask an economist what you are worth, he will set about adding up your assets, savings and debts, and come up with your “net worth”. Mine would be about $70,000.
 
Hmmmm………..there are some widely differing figures! So what am I worth? $45 million? $1.5 million? $70,000? or only $4.50?? Who do we believe?
 
To determine how much you are REALLY worth, we need to turn to the source of all truth, and the one who made us - God, and see what he has to say about it.
 
Turn with me to Genesis 1. Read through the chapter on your own, then look especially at verses 26, 27 and 31:
“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them……………..God saw all that he had made, and it was very good….”
 
Throughout Genesis 1, we see God creating the various parts of our world. At the end of each day he looks at what he has made and says it is good. But at the end of the 6th day, when God has made MAN, he looks at what he has made and says that it is VERY good. In addition, God does not just make man to be another creature that lives upon the earth! He makes man to rule over all of the rest of the earth! Right from the beginning, God chose man and put him in charge, entrusting the rest of creation to the dominion of man. The owner of a company does not chose a C.E.O and put him in charge unless he sees that the person is worthy of that position. God looks at us, and sees someone who has value and worth, who is “very good” and worthy enough to be put in charge of a part of His creation - our own little corner of the world.
 
John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Can you think of anyone on this earth for whom you would willingly give up the life of your child? I can’t imagine doing that, can you? But God looks at us, and sees someone sooooo precious and valuable that he stepped down from heaven, took on the form of a human body with all it’s limitations, and then willingly died a painful, humiliating death on the cross so that WE could live! He did that for YOU!
 
Romans 5:8 says “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That means that even though we were spotted and wrinkled, dirty and torn, still God placed a high value on us, and for us Christ died. Just like that $20 bill that was stepped on and dirty, but still worth $20, God says that even if we have made mistakes, or have messed our lives up completely, that makes NO DIFFERENCE to our value in his eyes!! He still wants to pick us up, and hold us close. More than that, he makes us his children, and co-heirs with Christ to all that he has! [Our real “net worth” is the combined value of ALL that God has created (including gold, diamonds, planets, stars…..EVERYTHING!) and all that he is!]
 
Often, the more of something there is, the less it is worth. For example, if there are a lot of a particular gem available, then it’s value is less than if it is rare. We share this planet with some 6.6 billion other people. That’s a lot of people! Does the fact that there are so many of us make each one less valuable? Not in God’s eyes! God created each and everyone of us unique and different. There is not one single other human being ever created who is exactly the same as you! God looks at each of individually and says we are incredibly valuable. He hand made us just how he wanted us. As he looks upon you, individually, he cannot see anyone more precious than YOU!
 
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY VALUABLE! You have great worth!
 
So, why do some of us look at ourselves and see ourselves as worthless? Are we calling God a liar? Most of us know the truth in our heads that God says we are valuable, and that he cannot lie. But there is a difference between knowing the truth in our heads (recognition) and KNOWING it in our hearts (experiencing it). In my next post, I’m going to outline 4 steps we need to take to internalise the truth of our real worth.
 
Meanwhile, don’t let the enemy tear you down or whisper that you are useless, worthless or rubbish! You are not! You are precious, valuable, loved, hand-made, and worth enough to die for!
 

As busy wives and mothers, we are constantly pouring out of ourselves to other people. We serve our husbands, our children, our extended family and friends. Some of us serve in churches or ministries, or in helping in the community. Some are involved in running homeschool support groups, or youth groups such as Scouts or Guides. All these things are wonderful, but all of them require something from us. They require our time, our energy, our thought and emotions,  our prayer and inspiration. We are giving out, giving out, all the time. In order to keep pouring out, we need to get filled back up, to refuel. If we don’t, we’ll soon find ourselves running on empty, and chronically running on empty leads to burn out.
 
Sometimes we feel guilty about taking the time to do things that are good or fun for US. We feel that we should be busy doing things for others, but we don’t feel right about doing things for us, fearing that maybe that is selfish.
 
Let me tell you, my friend, that doing things for ourselves is not about being selfish - it’s about doing what is absolutely VITAL if we are to continue ministering to others! Sure, it can develop into selfishness if we seek ONLY to do things for ourselves, but when approached as a part of a balanced lifestyle, it is a GOOD thing, a VITAL thing!
 
So, what are some ways to fill up your cup, to refresh yourself? Oh, there are so many things you can do! The main thing is that it must be something that relaxes you, that refreshes and renews you. Here are some suggestions:

• A deep bubble bath, perhaps with a good book, or some audios to listen to, or simply relaxing in the gentle light and aroma of scented candles
• An early night - regardless of all that is clamoring for your attention
• A long walk
• Sitting on the beach or in a park
• Cuddling up and watching a good movie with your sweetheart
• Having a shoulder and neck massage, or foot massage
• Getting your hair done
• Going for a swim
• Pulling aside for a few hours or even days, to rest, seek God, pray and plan
• Chatting with a friend over coffee while the kids play
• Going to browse in the library - ALONE!
• When I used to ride horses, there was nothing to “blow away the cobwebs” like a good gallop! My husband finds the same with riding his motorbike. Sometimes just being able to go (safely) fast, and let the wind stream through our hair and across our faces is the best therapy of all, whether it’s on a horse or bike, in a go-kart, on rollerskates, or just driving with the windows down!
• Singing and dancing in the rain
• Laughing! At funny jokes, a funny movie or book, or just being silly with your husband and kids, or a friend! Take time to laugh - it is like a medicine to your soul!
• A daily quiet time
• Taking a nap
• Curling up with a good book
• Going on a date with your husband
• Sitting in the sunshine
• Playing with your children
• Letting your kids play dress up with you - let them do your hair and put makeup on you, rub your feet and neck, and pamper you. Who cares if it’s not perfect? - it’s just wonderfully soothing to have someone minister to you in this way - you can return the favor another time. My little girls are excellent and shoulder and foot massages, and at brushing and playing with my hair. They get some personal time with me, and I get to relax and enjoy!
• Doing a puzzle, jigsaw or playing games or cards with your husband or children

I’m sure you can think of more ideas! Make a list of things you like to do, or would like to try, and then write them on your calendar. If you don’t PLAN to take time out, it will never “just happen”. Have small breaks during the day, reward yourself when you accomplish certain of your To-do’s, and plan weekly bigger treats and “time-outs”!
 
You’re not being lazy or selfish - you are actually serving those you love by taking care of you. If you burn out, then you won’t be able to be there for them. If you constantly run on nothing, you won’t be able to give them your best.
 
Even Jesus took time out to rest!

Since I shared my own depression story in the first week’s segment of Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace and on my website, a number of ladies have responded by telling me that they, too, suffer from depression, and asking if I have any tips for coping with it. Here are my 5 Top Tips For Coping With Depression - these work well for burn-out or those who are just plain stressed-out too!
1. Talk about it! Bottling up your feelings leads to internalising the stress, and can cause a worsening of your emotions, as well as the occurance of a variety of physical symptoms as your body reacts to the effects of stress. On the other hand, talking about it helps you to feel better, feel less confused, less alone and gives you back a sense of perspective and some control. Talk to someone you trust who you know will listen to you. Be honest about how you feel and what is weighing you down. Don’t expect this person to have all the answers to your problems - what you need is to talk it over, which will help you begin to see for yourself how to sort out what to do. You could talk to family or friends, a councillor, trusted medical professional or an internet friend. For myself, both times I suffered depression, it was when I talked about it openly, pouring out my heart to someone I trusted that the turning point came.
2. Press in to God! God loves you deeply, completely. He can help you find your way out of the pit of depression. However, Christian research has shown that it is very common for someone who is depressed to feel as though God is far away and they cannot reach him. A depressed person may find it hard to pray or read the Bible. I tell you this to point out that these feelings and reactions are NORMAL - it is not a spiritual fault in you, but the depression causing your mind and emotions to send you misleading signals. I urge you not to give up, but to do what you can to reach out to God anyway, no matter how you FEEL. Feelings are valid, but they do not change the TRUTH, which is that God loves you and will never leave or forsake you. Just because you cannot feel his presence at any given moment, does not mean he is not there. Read the Psalms - how often did David cry out to God asking why he was so far away? God wasn’t far away - it was David’s own emotional state that made it seem so. But in crying out to God with honesty, David helped himself to get back some perspective - he moves in his psalms from crying out in despair to praising God for his faithfulness.
3. Let go of your Perfectionism! One dictionary definition of perfectionism is “A propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards.” The Webster’s 1828 dictionary defined a perfectionist as “one pretending to perfection.” A perfectionist demands unattainably high standards of themselves and everyone around them. They believe that these standards CAN be met, and are constantly frustrated because they are not. Often they expect excellence in too many things at once. They expect themselves to be the proverbial Superwoman, and beat themselves up when they fail to obtain this. A perfectionist keeps a mask firmly in place, shifting heaven and earth to always maintain an outward appearance of excellence in everything, even when they are falling apart on the inside. A perfectionist will never let anyone see their home less than spotless, though the truth may be that it usually is a mess. Dear one, stop pretending!! It’s killing you! And let go of those impossible standards - they’re killing you AND your family! As a perfectionist myself, I used to believe that if I did not always appear to be in control and on top of all areas of my life, then I would be a bad witness and no-one would be attracted to Christianity or homeschooling or having a large family. In fact, the opposite is true! If I appear perfect in everything, “mere mortals” say to themselves - “it’s alright for HER, but I could never do that!” When I show myself honestly and as less than perfect, it takes a lot of pressure off me. And, others are encouraged by the fact that I am not perfect, but can be a Christian or a homeschooler or a mother of many anyway!
4. Use someone else’s plan! In the midst of depression, one thing that discourages many women more than anything else is the fact that their home is in chaos, and they are so overwhelmed they don’t know where to begin. When you are stressed-out or depressed, making decisions or figuring out a plan is often simply beyond your present capabilities. But knowing that there IS a plan in place, and all you have to do is take this or that one small step at a time, and the rest WILL be taken care of further down the track relieves a lot of pressure, and gives your mind a break! So, if you cannot formulate your own plan, use someone else’s! There are several good organising systems freely available to you via the internet - Flylady is one, the Organiser Lady is another, and of course my own Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace is designed to lead you step by step as well. The point is to give yourself a break from trying to figure it all out, and just let someone else lead you along for a while. It will be such a relief to your over-burdened heart and mind!
5. Rest! What most depressed people need more than any other thing is more sleep! Sleep deprivation can lead to depression in the first place, but even if that is not how you got into the pit, LOTS of sleep is a vital part of the healing process. You need to rest MORE than a person who is in a normal, healthy state does. During sleep, the mind is able to heal itself and restore balance. Unfortunately, the feeling of being stressed out can lead to insomnia, and become part of a vicious cycle. That is why I’ve listed this last, not first, even though it is the thing most needed. You see, if you follow the four tips above - talk about your feelings, reach out to God, let go of your perfectionism and grab hold of a plan, you will find much relief from the racing thoughts and sense of rising panic that comes with stress and stops you from relaxing and sleeping. You will be able to let go at night, able to tell yourself that it’s ok - you aren’t there yet, but you’re on the right track and you WILL get there! If you find yourself still unable to sleep, then I urge you to seek medical help to break the cycle. Sleep is VITAL to coping with stress and recovering from depression.

My friend, you are not alone! Many women struggle just like you. I pray the ideas above will help and encourage you, and that you will set out on the road to recovery.

Love

Cynthia

I have just uploaded my personal depression story. I’ve shared this with a number of stressed out fellow homeschool mothers over the last year or so, and many have responded with “Oh, so THAT’S what’s wrong with me!”

Burnout and depression are  much too-common problems world-wide in today’s fast-paced, high-demand society, but that is especially so amongst homeschoolers who have so many demands going on simultaneously in their lives. Unfortunately, many people do not recognise the symptoms until they are very far down the slippery slope, when knowing what is happening early on might have enabled them to take steps to avoid the worst of it all.

I pray that my own story and experiences may help others to feel less alone in their struggles to cope, perhaps to recognise their own situation for what it is, and to find some help and encouragment. Read it Here. 

I’d love to hear what you think!

Love

Cynthia