Cynthia’s Blog

What do you think of when someone refers to the “wife of noble character” described in Proverbs 31:10-31? Do you think she is a paragon of virtue that you can’t possibly measure up to? Do you think Proverbs 31 is a list of requirements for a successful wife, and that you are a failure if you aren’t managing to do all of them?
 
There are many things we can learn from this chapter of Proverbs. Today I want to look at it a little differently, by grouping the verses according to what they deal with.
 
Introduction: v10 “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. ”
This wife is rare and valuable. The Hebrew word chayil, translated here “noble”, is used only four times in the Bible in speaking of women. It suggests more than just being virtuous, but being forceful, capable, having initiative, and the capability to carry through on what she decides.
 
Husband/Wife: v11&12 “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” and v28&29 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” ” These verses tell us something of the relationship between this man and his wife - he trusts her judgement, and his faith is rewarded; she doesn’t let him down. He blesses and praises her - in other words, he recognises her worth. Notice two things about these verses:  “She brings him good…all the days of her life” - this implies something that happens over a long period of time; and “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also” - what children bless their mothers? Usually those who are grown and can look back and appreciate what their mother has done for them! Young children are either unaware, or self-centred in their immature thinking - they do not fully understand or appreciate why their mother makes them obey the rules, doesn’t let them have their own way all the time, or the hard work and sacrifices on her part. Again, the implication is of an older woman, not a young, newly married one!
v23 “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” There is an implication that the wife is partly to credit for her husband being respected; her virtue would reflect well on him. “He takes his seat among the elders” again implies a mature couple - it is “his seat”, implying that he is an “elder”.
 
Who and what she is: The passage tells us that she works vigorously, and that her “arms are strong for her tasks” (v17), that she is well clothed in “fine linen and purple” (v22), that she is “clothed with strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come” (v25), and she is not idle (v27). All in all this speaks of a woman who is not lazy, but works hard, who takes care of herself (well dressed, strong), does not need to worry about the future (because her household is well provisioned and in order), and is strong and dignified. Does this sound to you like a woman who is frazzled or run off her feet? Or someone who gets by on little or no sleep? Not to me! I think she is calm and goes about her work in an orderly fashion, but is not trying to do so much that she can’t keep it all under control.
 
What she does: The verses in Proverbs 31 that describe what this lady does are describing the kinds of things that wives can or should do; the things that are within their sphere of authority and concern, the types of things to which they can well apply themselves. Let’s see what those are:
Clothing vs13,19,21&22 all talk about her working to provide clothing for her household. She does not need to fear the cold, because both the people and the beds are well covered. There are descriptions of her working with wool and flax, and weaving. Does this mean that we should make all our families clothes from scratch too, in order to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Let’s think for a moment. In the days of this lady, clothing was mostly simple garments - loincloths, tunics, cloaks. They were usually made out of one or two pieces of woven cloth. To prepare the fibres and then spin them is an incredibly time consuming task. A spinner friend once told me it takes an average of 150 hours just to SPIN the wool for one homespun jersey!! Imagine the time to spin the much finer thread for weaving cloth!! I researched the production of linen cloth by old methods on the web - a professional weaver (who had spent his lifetime learning the art), working full-time with an old-fashioned hand operated loom, could weave enough cloth for one blouse per month. In those days, they did not wash or change their clothing as often as we do, nor did they own the number of garments that we need for basic living. It would be completely impractical for us to card, spin and weave all our own cloth, then sew it into garments. Ok, so what about sewing - shouldn’t the modern Proverbs 31 woman sew her family’s clothes? You know, it really comes down to the “watching over the affairs of your household” described in v 27. We need to weigh up what is best for our families. I am an accomplished seamstress and knitter - but I rarely make my families clothes any more, though I used to make nearly all of them. The thing is, it actually costs more these days for the raw materials than it does to buy finished garments. I can better spend my time on other things. There are times when I find bargain materials, and do sew or knit, but I have to always keep it all in perspective. If sewing and knitting were not things I knew how to do, then that would not make me any less of a noble wife - the main point of these verses is that she ensures her family are adequately clothed, not how she does it.
Food In vs 14&15 we see that she brings food from afar, and that she gets up while it is dark and provides food for her family and her servants. The “bringing food from afar” is not about the need to travel to distant shores to gather food - it is about being a good bargain hunter, and finding the best value and quality foods from the various available sources. When you buy groceries with coupons, get better vegetables from a fruit stall, and visit the health food shop for some items that are better priced there, you are doing what the Proverbs 31 woman would do. She also thinks ahead, getting up in time to make sure food is prepared for all her household. In your case, you might put oatmeal in the crockpot to simmer overnight, so it is ready for your family in the morning. Getting up early is a good thing, but thanks to our modern appliances, most of us don’t have to rise before dawn to build a fire in order to prepare food! The main thing is to just think ahead and make sure our families are well fed. Note that she had servants to help her with the daily work!
Money In vs 16, she considers and buys a field, then uses her own money to plant a vineyard. Remember how her husband trusts her? She has the authority to buy land to add to the family assets, and the money to plant it. Again, I think this is the doings of a mature woman of experience. And why would she need money to plant the vineyard? Perhaps to purchase the plants. Perhaps to hire the workers to do the planting. Or more likely, both. She is not necessarily planting it all herself!
Vs18 says that “she sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night”. Trading here is not about making money - “trade” means to barter goods or services, a typical means of purchasing. Looking for bargains and making sure she gets the best deals possible for her family are part of it. Often I’ve heard the “lamp does not go out at night” mentioned separately as evidence that this lady stays up late working. But notice that it is in fact part of the statement about her trading. If you look through the entire passage, you will see that nearly all the verses are two-part, and each part relates to the other. So too, I believe, do these two parts relate directly - trading and lamp at night. The implication is that she reviews her trading and profits last thing at night, after the day’s work is done. Turning a profit is perhaps her last priority. Or perhaps she is simply looking back over the day, seeing the state of her household, and making plans for tomorrow.
Vs24 “She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes”. She is making some money. Wives can make lots of money if they wish. But notice that she is doing this from home, and it would appear that she is selling the surplus items that she is able to produce AFTER making sure her family are clothed.
Helping the poor and needy vs 20 tells us that she helps the poor and needy. How do you suppose she does that? “Opens her arms to the poor” implies that she is willing to help those who come to her, “extends her hand to the needy” implies she reaches out to those in need. I think this is very much home-based generosity and help. Perhaps she gives a bed for the night to a traveller, or sends extra bedding to a poor family she has heard of. She might provide meals to a sick person. This is not a full-time ministry, or a volunteer position at the local shelter or hospital taking her away from her family. It is a generous woman at home providing help she can afford to those in need around her.
Instructs wisely vs 26 “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” This lady is wise and experienced; she can instruct others. Just one more implication of an older woman. She would be well qualified according to Titus 2 to “teach the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
Watches over the affairs of her household v27 sums up all that she does: “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” The Proverbs 31 woman watches over household, and makes sure the needs of her family for food and clothing are met. She is careful with money, and able to help the needy. She has wisdom to pass on.
 
Summary vs 30-31 sum up the value of a Proverbs 31 woman. “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
 
The noble wife described in Proverbs 31 is a woman of mature years. She has lots of experience, and at the point she is being described, her children are grown. The types of accomplishments described (buying a field, making and selling garments to the merchants, reaching out to help those in need etc) are things accomplished over a lifetime. They are not the work of a single day or week!
 
If you have felt in the past that you fall far short of this description, please stop beating yourself up! Remember that you are a work in progress, just as this lady once was. We are ALL works under construction! If you are going to take anything from this passage as “things you should do”, they should be:
1) Do good to your husband
2) Take care of your own basic needs
3) Watch over your household (keep an eye on how things are going; don’t bury your head in the sand)
4) Provide food and clothing for your family
5) Try to make the best use of your available funds
6) Think ahead to tomorrow
 
Those 6 things are more than enough to focus on, and they really are the sum of the daily achievements of the Proverbs 31 woman! Don’t make it more complicated than it really is! And, these are the very things we are working on through Goodbye Chaos, Hello Peace!
 
Oh, one more thing I learned as I was studying this passage: Proverbs 31:10-31 are an Acrostic in the original language, meaning each verse begins with one consecutive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. This method is used in a few places in the Old Testament, and most likely is a device indicating “here’s the A-Z of this subject”. In other words, the verses of this passage are meant to describe all the various aspects of the life of a noble wife, not to give a “to-do” list for each day!

Last time in “Driven to Distraction?” I talked about about how many of us are living overloaded lives, despite all our modern conveniences designed to save us time. This week, I want to take a little peek into the lives of some of the people, particularly women,  mentioned in the Bible, and look at the way they lived.
 
In 1 Peter 3:5-6 we are told:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
 
Sarah is held up to us as an example of the kind of woman who did what was right. What did she do? She obeyed her husband. She went with him wherever he went - remember that Abraham lived a fairly nomadic life for a long time. God called him to leave his family’s home region and go to an unknown place.  Sarah obeyed Abraham even when he did foolish things - like instruct her to tell Pharaoh that she was Abram’s sister, not wife. Her great calling in life was to be the wife of Abraham and the mother of Isaac. For 90 years she had no children, and so she was “only” Abraham’s wife. Then she gave birth to Isaac. What kind of mother do you think she was? We are not told much about her mothering style - just three brief glimpses. When Isaac was born, Sarah said “God has brought me laughter, and every one who hears about this will laugh with me.” (Gen 21:6). So she was full of joy at the birth of her son. Then, when Isaac was weaned, Sarah wanted Abraham to get rid of Hagar and Isamael, saying that Isamael would never share in the inheritance of Isaac. So, she was a mother who watched over the affairs of her son, and was concerned for his future. Thirdly, we are told that when Isaac married Rebekah, “Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” At that time, Sarah had been dead for 3 years, and Isaac was 40 years old; a grown man - not a little boy missing his mommy. Obviously, his love for his mother was deep, as he was still grieving and missing her three years after her death. To me, that gives a picture of a mother who was close to her son, even after he grew up. I believe Sarah was a loving, caring wife and mother, whose whole focus was on the men in her life - her husband and son.
 
Just think for a minute about what Sarah did NOT do. Abraham and Sarah lived in tents. Just how much housework do you think was needed? No windows to wash. If they had carpets, they would have been rugs that could be shaken outside. Yes, there would have been plenty of work to do in the daily rounds of feeding, clothing and caring for her family, but Sarah also had at least one maidservant to help her care of her household. There is no indication that Sarah spent time away from home (except against her will when she was taken into Pharaoh’s household), or that she ran a business of any kind. I’m sure that Sarah worked hard, but I believe that she would have worked at an unhurried pace, going about the tasks associated with her calling in life - to be a wife to Abraham, and the mother to Isaac, through whom all mankind would one day be blessed. She was not perfect; she sometimes made mistakes. But she was a woman who was doing exactly what God created her to do. No more, no less. And we are told that we are her daughters if we “do what is right and do not give way to fear.” Evidently, Sarah’s example of a simple, focussed life is one worth imitating.
 
Esther is another example of a woman who was right where God wanted her. An orphan, she had been raised by her father’s cousin. When the king was looking for another wife, she was taken into the palace along with many other beautiful virgins, given a year of beauty treatments, and then presented to the king. He found her more attractive than any of the others, and so proclaimed Esther queen. From then on, Esther’s main role was to live in the palace, be cared for by maids and eunuchs, and go to the king when ever he called for her, which appears not to have been terribly frequently. And yet, she was right where God wanted her. God used her to save all the Jews which lived in that kingdom - a terrible plot had been hatched to kill every Jew in the kingdom, but Esther’s appeal to the king on the instructions of Mordecai turned things around and saved them all. Today, Jewish people still celebrate Purim and what God did through Esther and Mordecai. Again, a woman who had a straight-forward role in life, and who didn’t try to do more than God had called her to do.
 
Have you ever thought much about the day-to-day life of Jesus himself? Of course, he is our ultimate example, because he came to earth, not only to die for our sins, but also to set us an example. Jesus, in the years of his public ministry, lived with incredible demands upon him. People were constantly following him around, clamoring for his help and attention, or heckling him. There were often Pharisees around to sling verbal mud at him, and often crowds of many thousands wanting to listen to him. People everywhere wanted him to perform miracles.
And yet, he was never hurried or harried. Why? Because he knew exactly what God sent him to earth to do, and he concentrated on doing just that. But, let’s put the ministry of Jesus in the context of the rest of his life:
 
Jesus was about 30 years old when he began his public ministry. He carried it out for 3 years, and then was crucified. What did he do before he was 30? We are told very little - just a few glimpses of his growing up years. We know that he “grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” - in other words, he grew up, learned a lot, and turned out to be an excellent young man who was respected, and with whom God was pleased. Why didn’t he begin public ministry earlier?? Surely, he could have done a lot more good if he’d got started sooner?? But no, that was not God’s plan. Presumably he worked with Joseph, and probably stayed close to his family. Those years were God’s time of preparation for him. Jesus never married or had children - though in that time and culture, it was usual to marry at about 14 years of age. Again, that was not God’s plan for him. Jesus did not own a home of his own. Throughout his public ministry, he laid his head wherever he found himself, whether in the home of friends, in a boat on a lake, or on a hillside. When the season came for him to begin ministry, he gave himself fully to it, though he still took time aside to rest, to spend alone with his disciples, to draw aside and seek God, to attend a wedding, or visit friends. He did not, however, have to maintain a house, or meet the needs of a family. He knew God’s purpose, and stuck to it.
 
And then there’s Mary, Jesus’ mother. Her great calling in life was motherhood - first to Jesus, the son of God, over whom she marvelled, and stored up in her heart all the things she saw and heard surrounding him. She also had other children with Joseph; at least 6 of them, for 4 brothers of Jesus are named, and his sisters are referred to in the plural. Mary was married, maintained a home, and raised children. She was called “blessed among women” because she was chosen as the mother of Jesus.
 
Lydia is sometimes held up as an example of a woman who runs a business. She was a dealer in purple cloth (Acts 16:15). But it is interesting to note what is NOT said about her - there is no mention of Lydia being married or having any children. In fact, it would seem likely that the opposite was true. After becoming converted, she invited Paul and his companions to stay at her house, on her own authority. Can you imagine how that would have gone down with a husband? “Hi honey - I just got saved, and here are all my new friends come to live with us for a while”. So, we know she was hospitable, and she made some money. But the Bible doesn’t say she was a wife, mother, business woman, and had lots of people to stay, all at once!
 
You see, whenever you look at the lives recorded in the Bible, both men and women, you will find that all the ones that are spoken of with approval by God were people who were focussed, and got on with whatever it was God wanted them to do, without a bunch of extra stuff. Of course, I fully realise we are not told every detail of the lives of every person in the Bible. But I do believe we are told the important things, and that there is plenty of evidence to support the conclusion that they each lived fairly simply in their own way.
 
For everyone, there are seasons in life, times when we focus on different things. And that’s just how it should be. But how many of us try to cram a lifetime’s worth of activities into each and every month and year of our lives?? We need to slow down, simplify, and focus!
 
Next time, let’s take a look at the paragon of womanhood - the Proverbs 31 woman. I think you might be in for some surprises!

Driven to Distraction? The Devil Delights!
 
One hundred years ago, women did not have all the labor-saving devices we have today. They had to wash clothes by hand in water they carried then boiled on the stove or in the copper. Dishes were done by hand, clothes were stitched by hand. Everything took so much longer. There were no refridgerators or freezers, so bottling and canning and drying of foods was essential. Yesterday’s women worked very hard, and were busy.
 
Today we have so many things they did not have, things designed to save us time. We have washing machines and dryers, dishwashers and electric stoves, vacuum cleaners and hot water cylinders, bread makers and yoghurt mahines, computers and printers, sewing machines and knitting machines, electric knives and can openers, fridges and freezers, ready made clothes and disposable diapers….the list goes on and on. All these things are designed to save us time and labour. So then, why are today’s women busier than ever?
 
Everywhere I hear the cry “There’s not enough time!” We lament that we are too busy, have too much to do, are snowed under, up to our eyeballs, driven to distraction! So what is the problem?
 
Is it the fault of the society in which we live? Society seems to expect that women should have careers, dress in the latest fashions, work out at the gym, drive the latest 4 wheel drive, chat with friends over coffee, manage their money, be involved at the school their children attend, take their offspring to all the activities, sports and other events designed for their entertainment and extension, maintain a picture-perfect home, keep their husbands in line (or do without one), be a whiz with a computer, and involved in the community. Hmmm - that’s a lot to cope with! But many of us have rejected most of these expectations, and chosen a different, “simpler” lifestyle.
 
Perhaps it’s the “get-back-to-basics” crowd that are to blame? We are told that Christian wives should be stay-at-home Moms. But it doesn’t end there - we’re given all sorts of ideas and expectations of things we could or should do while we’re staying at home. We’re told to be frugal, sew our own clothes, bake our own bread, make everything from scratch. Don’t waste anything, don’t throw anything away. Our homes must be cosy and stylish, but of course it won’t cost much to achieve this, as we will sew and crochet, knit, embroider, quilt, paint and wallpaper, and use all manner of talents to create this wonderful haven out of whatever materials are to hand. Our beautifully mannered children will never fight and love to learn; they sit happily around the table diligently applying themselves to their studies, generously sharing the pencils, erasers and other supplies, while helping each other with difficult problems. You, meanwhile, are in the kitchen creating delicious dishes with wonderful aromas, popping back into the dining room from time to time to beam upon your happy brood and answer the more difficult questions about calculus and Latin sentence structure with ease and patience. Of course, you will also have a lovely garden full of fresh flowers and vegetables, time to help out at church and teach a Sunday School class, as well as be involved in the local homeschool co-op, and your children’s many extra activities. Your husband comes home each day to find you fresh and happy, with your hair, make-up and smile in place, wearing a pretty dress, his favorite refreshment to hand, and a hot meal almost ready. Of course, the house is tidy and clean, and fresh flowers adorn the table. You also fit in carefully managing the household budget, creating and managing a home business that turns a tidy profit, regular dates with your husband, writing weekly letters to elderly relatives, hosting a Bible study, and reading aloud to your children for 3 hours a day. You go on nature walks, visit art museums and scrapbook all your memories.
 
Is there anything wrong with any of these ideas? No, of course not, taken individually. But, trying to do them ALL, or a large number of them, are too much for any person!! The picture that is painted in the last paragraph simply isn’t realistic, and in fact is pretty pointless. It’s pointless to aim for the impossible - you waste so much time and energy reaching for that which you cannot attain! The end result is not perfection - it’s burn-out, stress and depression!
 
So then, what are we to do? Give up on all our attempts to do good things? Throw in the towel - quit? NO! The answer, I believe, is to get some perspective - to get God’s perspective! We need to take a whole new look at the things in our lives, and all that we are trying to achieve, and learn to see ourselves and our to-do list from a whole new point of view!
 
Let me answer my own question of who is to blame for our lack of time. I believe that a number of things contribute to this situation. First, the expectations that are placed on us by others do play a part. Secondly, the devil loves to see us driven to do too much, because then we are ineffective. When we are trying to do so much that we are stretched thin all the time, we cannot be effective as Christians, as wives, as mothers. Satan is more than happy to encourage us to pile more and more upon ourselves. Those whispers of guilt because you haven’t done this or that, those suggestions that you take on yet one more thing, the seductiveness of the image you have in your mind of “perfection” - all these might come from the devil, who delights in seeing us driven to distraction. Thirdly, we always have choices! But we often make the choice to say ‘yes’ when we should say ‘no’! We are our own worst enemies. We allow our human desires for perfection, for recognition, to be “successful” as homemakers, to cloud our thinking and cause us to expect more from ourselves than we can possibly give.
 
God does not want us overloaded! He is the creator of time. He gives the same 24 hours to every person. Do you really think that he would assign everyone with more work than they could possibly do in that time? He tells us to rest at night, and to take a day off each week. The Bible tells us to spend time worshipping God and praying, and to fellowship with other believers. Does that sound like we’re supposed to work every moment of every day? Of course, we’re also told to work at whatever we have to do with all our hearts, as though working for the Lord. But I don’t believe that means we work like slave labour, with a harsh task master standing over us with a whip! Jesus said his burden was easy and his yoke was light! Sounds to me like most of us have taken on much more work, and a much heavier burden, than God ever intended.
 
My friend, if you are overloaded, overburdened, overwhelmed, then I urge you to take all your burdens to God, and lay them down. Ask him to show you what he really wants for you to do. Pick back up only those things that God hands to you, and leave the rest right there at his feet. One way to do this, is to write down every single thing you normally do, plan to do, or have waiting to do. Then pray over the list, and pull back for a time from all but the most basic, and wait for God to show you which are his appointed tasks for you in this season of your life, and which are not. You will feel so much lighter and more free walking around under the yoke Jesus’ created for you than staggering under the one of your own design! Let go of your impossible expectations for yourself!
 
Next week, we’ll take a look at some of the examples in the Bible of people in different seasons of their lives.